Rules of the competition:
Submit a joke as a comment below. One joke per person so make sure to put your best joke. I will only count the most recent entry per person. Post the comment using your Kensium email id. On Friday I will read the jokes (so submit deadline is Friday 0:00:00:01, which is one second after Thursday midnight). Whichever joke I like the best will get a free coffee for the author.
Deadline:
Friday 0:00, 0 min, 1 sec (1 second into Friday, aka 1 second after Thursday night midnight)
How to submit:
As a comment for this blog entry.
Limit:
1 joke -- I will count the most recently submitted one for your Kensium email id.
Concept by Diwant
Posts
27 comments:
Hi
Hope u ppl enjoy this one!!!
Question No. 1: ... An elephant has 5 bananas and it is hungry, but yet it does not eat the bananas. Why?
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Because the bananas are made of plastic.
Next Q2:
The 5 bananas are real , but yet the elephant does not eat it. Why?
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Because the elephant is made of plastic.
Hahahaa…never give up…one more..
Now Q3:
Both the elephant and the bananas are real, but yet it cannot eat it. Why?
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Because the bananas are in the TV.
Ooops!!! Cool down…
Q 4.
Both the elephant and the bananas are real and in the TV, but yet it cannot eat it. Why?
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Because they are on different channels.
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Hohohohoohohoh. .hehehe ok ok last one
q 5.
Both the elephant and the bananas are real and in the TV and on the same channel, but yet it cannot eat it. Why?
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Cmon think
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Becoz tv's switched off :))))))
Ramya Iyer V.s.
Indian names translated to english
Harilal (Indian) After translation Hurry Lal (english)
Manilal (Indian) After translation Money Lal (english)
FYI, the above two names were assigned Mahatma Gandhi's children
Original Author -> Dexter McConnell
Guilty Tax Payer
Dear IRS: I'm sending you this money because I cheated on my income tax and my conscience has been bothering me. If it doesn't stop, I'll send you the rest.
Teacher To Student: Can You Define Who Is LECTURER?
Student : A LECTURER Is A Person Who Has A Very Bad
Habit Of Speaking When Someone Is Sleeping.
Girl: When we get married,
I want to share all your worries,
troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It’s very kind of you,
darling, But I don’t have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that is because we aren’t married yet.
Q: Do u knw y in a couple’s photo
man is on d right side & woman on d left?
A: Coz as per balance sheet,Liabilities r on d
Left Side & Assets on d Right!
Three ants find an elephant asleep.
One says,”We’ll kill him!”
Other one says,”We’ll break his legs!”
3rd one says:
“choro yaar bechara akela hai aur hum teen..!!”:-)
Teacher told all students
in a class to write an essay
on a cricket match.
All were busy writing except one Sardarji.
He wrote No match, due to rain!!!
Wife: 'You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?'
Hubby: 'When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.'
Wife: 'You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you!'
Hubby: 'Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?'
SPECIAL NOTICE FROM Training Dept.
In order to assure the highest levels of education for our employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of
SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.). We are trying to give our employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. in your Department, please come and see any one of the Trainers at once. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our Trainers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.
Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EDUCATION EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P S.H.I.T.). Those who fail to take D.E.E.P S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EDUCATION ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T S.H.I.T.). Since all the Trainers took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. Anymore, and are all full of S.H.I.T. already.
If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested or rather fit for a job as a Trainer or play a role advising other employees. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.). Those who are full of B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T. will get the S.H.I.T. jobs, and can apply for promotion to DIRECTOR OF INTENSITY PROGRAMMING (D.I.P.S.H.I.T.).
If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TRAINING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).
Thank you,
BOSS IN GENERAL SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
(B.I.G. S.H.I.T.)
A Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg.
As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.
Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here."
The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your PearlHarbour, it was the Japanese".
"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.
In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."
Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."
The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."
Wife:What is 10 years with me?
Husband:A second.
Wife:What is $1000 for me?
Husband:A coin.
Wife: Ok give me a coin.
Husband:Wait a second
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300°C.
The Russians used a pencil.
Three FASTEST means of Communication :
1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell to Woman
Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!”
The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”
Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'
Husband : 'Sure! What are my choices?'
Wife : 'Yes or no.'
When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you
from Darkness. Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness - Please
PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.
When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
Answer : On their MARRIAGE.
An Alsatian went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote, “Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.”
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog: “There are only nine words here. You could send another ‘Woof’ for the same price.”
“But,” the dog replied, “that would make no sense at all.”
Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women. Because per
Constitution, you can NOT PUNISH TWICE for the same Mistake
Muralidhar Yaragalla says:-
30 passengers are flying to US from Hyderabad. One the way when it is half way through suddenly the pilot recognized that the plane is overloaded with passengers. If the plane continues with the same load the plane will crash. So pilot announces the problem and he asks 3 people to come voluntarily to jump out from the plane. So every body starts worrying about the problem.
Then all of a sudden a Russian guy stands up and says, long live Russia, Russia is great and jumps out of the plane and commits suicide. All the other people are so thankful to him so they pray for him and his country and then they start looking for the second guy.
Then an American stands up and says long life America, America is great and jumps out of the plane and commits suicide. Once again people are very thankful to him so they pray for him and his country.
After the second person no body stands up for a while. So the pilot announces once again saying that the plane will crash if no one jumps out but still no body stands up. People start worrying a lot. The pilot announces once again but nobody comes forward.
Then one Indian understands the severity of the problem, he stands up and starts walking towards the door. Then all the starts looking at him with admiration and starts praying for him and for India. Then he walks to the door and says long live India, India is great and picks up the person who is sitting next to the door and throws him out and silently return back to his seat.
All the people get shocked of his action.
Wife: 'What are you doing?'
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'
Husband : 'I was looking for the expiry date.'
A Professor at one of the IIM's (INDIA) was explaining marketing
concepts to the Students:-
1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing
2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: "He's very rich. Marry him." - That's Advertising
3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me." - That's Telemarketing
4. You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car) for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say:" By the way, I'm rich. Will you marry me?" - That's Public Relations
5. You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says: "You are very rich! Can you marry Me!?" - That's Brand Recognition
6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - That's Customer Feedback
7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband. - That's demand and supply gap
8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tells her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" And she goes with him - That's competition eating into your market share
9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives. - That's restriction for entering new markets
To make a woman happy..... a man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
44. give her compliments regularly
45. love shopping
46. be honest
47. be very rich
48. not stress her out
49. not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO::
50. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
51. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
53. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY:
1. Leave him alone
By Ramesh Krishna
Sardarji went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain.
"I would like to buy this small TV," he told the salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied.
He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style, and returned
to tell the salesman
"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied.
"Damn, he recognised me," he thought.
He went for a complete disguise this time, haircut, new hair colour,
new outfit, big sunglasses, waited a few days, saw the salesman again.
"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied.
Frustrated, he exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a Sardar?"
"Because that's a microwave," he replied.
A Quality Engineer married an average girl.
After 2 years of tough life with her,finally
Engineer got angry and sent a note TO father-in-law stating that
"YOUR PRODUCT NOT MEETING MY REQUIREMENTS"
The Smart father-in-law replies,
"WARRANTY EXPIRED . MANUFACTURER NOT RESPONSIBLE"
By Madhusudhan
Sardarji - "Are you relaxing"
One Sardar was enjoying Sun on a Beach in UK.
A lady came and asked him, " Are you relaxing"
Sardar answered '" No I am Banta Singh"
Another Guy Came and asked the same Question.
Sardar answered " No No Me ! Banta Singh"
Third one came and asked the same
question, Sardar was totally annoyed and decided to
shift his place.
While walking he saw another Sardar
enjoying the Beach.
He went and asked him " Are you Relaxing?". The other Sardar was much educated and answered "Yes I am relaxing.
The Sardar slapped him on
his face and said "Idiot, they are all searching for you and you are sitting here"
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