Lawyers should never ask Grandma ....

Lawyers should never ask grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an elderly grandmother to the stand. He approached her and asked; "Mrs.. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you're a big disappointment to me. You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs.. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster. He's lazy, bigoted, and has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes I know him."

The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench and in a quiet voice said: "If either of you rascals asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair."

By all Means... MARRY!

DISCLAIMER : THE IDEAS EXPRESSED HEREINBELOW DO NOT NECESSARILY EXPRESS MY VIEWS :
HUSHHH .......... JUST LAUGH IT OUT ...

By all Means... MARRY!
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy.. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't. - Patrick Murray

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. - David Bissonette

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
- Hemant Joshi

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. - Dumas

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, " What does a woman want? - Sigmund Freud

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. - Anonymous

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
- Henny Youngman

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years." - Sam Kinison

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage." - James Holt McGavran

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming:

1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,

2. Whenever you' re right, shut up.

- Nash

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once…Anonymous

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. - Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. - Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong . - Milton Berle

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy. - Anonymous

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
- Anonymous
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive." - Anonymous.

Joke

Joke on INDIA-PAK

1. In order to develop friendly relationship between the two countries, I.K.Gujral and Nawaz Sharif decided to visit each other's country regularly. The first visit was by Gujral to Pakistan. There Sharif showed him Pakistan's modern telecommunication systems. It was so good that Gujral made a call to Rajiv Gandhi in hell and talked to him for 5 minutes!

2. The bill for the call came to only Re.1.

3. When Gujral came back, he also wanted India's telecommunication systems to be at the best when Nawaz Sharif visited India. Suitable arrangements were made. Sharif came to India, visited the telecom department and talked to Zia-ul-Haq in hell for 5 minutes.

4. But this time, the bill was Rs. 500!

5. Sharif asked with a sarcastic smile - "Why are telephone calls to hell so costly in India ?"

6. A high level diplomat gave a smiling reply - "From Pakistan to hell, it is a local call, Sir, while from India it is long distance!".

I Know What You Do After Lunch Break

Click on Image To View Animation

~*~

Jokes

Boss: Where were you born?
Sardar: Punjab.
Boss: Which part?
Sardar: Kya which part? Whole body born in Punjab.

**********

Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.
Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.

**********

A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khelein.
Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya.

Banana...Banana..Bananas

From:
Mohammadiz

Engineers Vs Doctors

There are 7 Engineers and 7 Doctors going from PUNE to Mumbai.
So they all gather at Pune Station. Both groups are desperately trying to prove
their superiority.

Scene 1 (PUNE- MUMBAI)

So 7 engineers take only 1 Ticket amongst them and 7 doctors buy all 7
tickets. Doctors are desperately waiting for TC to come...... When TC
arrives , All 7 Engineers get in one toilet SO when TC knocks , one hand
come out with the ticket and the TC goes away....

NOW on return Journey All of them don't get a direct train to PUNE So
they all decide to take a Passenger till Lonavala, from there they Can
easily get a LOCAL to PUNE so the passenger.....

SCENE 2 (MUMBAI - LONAVALA)

Doctors decide, "this time we will prove that we too are equally
SHAANE"....All 7 Doctors take 1 Ticket amongst them Engineers don't buy
any ticket at all!!!!!
..TC arrives....
ALL DOCTORS IN ONE TOILET.ALL ENGINEERS IN THE OPPOSITE ONE..
One engineer gets out and knocks the door of Doctors toilet,
One hand comes with the tickets, he takes the ticket
and comes in engg Bathroom...TC DRIVES out ALL the doctors from the
toilet and they are heavily fined........the local....

SCENE 3 (LONAVALA - PUNE)

SO now both the group on LONAVALA station. Doctors planning their Move
for last chance.. they board the local to Pune. This time doctors decide
that they will play the same (1 ticket) trick. ALL Doctors take
1 tickets...Engineers BUY all 7 tickets this time... SO TC Comes.. All
Engineers show their tickets..... Doctors are still searching for toilet
in the LOCAL...........

Joke From:
Ramya Iyer
* * *

Which Comes First ?

From: Mohammadiz

Visual Joke

From:

Mohammadiz

Visual Joke II

From: Mohammadiz

Won The Coffee!!! - Joke Competition Winners

Coffee Winner!
Imtiaz
Joke Alsatian
(Coffee Sponsor: Mr. Diwant Vaidya)

Runners Up!
Sarada - Chinese v Spielberg
Parvez - Marketing Lessons at a Party.
(Coffee Sponsors: Java Team)

Joke From Imtiaz:

An Alsatian went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote,
"Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."

The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog:
"There are only nine words here. You could send another ‘Woof’ for the same price."

"But," the dog replied, "that would make no sense at all."

Joke from Sarada:

A Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg.

As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.

Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here."

The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour, it was the Japanese".

"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.

In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."

Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."

The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."


Joke from Parvez:

A Professor at one of the IIM's (INDIA) was explaining marketing
concepts to the Students:-

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing

2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: "He's very rich. Marry him." - That's Advertising

3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me." - That's Telemarketing

4. You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car) for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say:" By the way, I'm rich. Will you marry me?" - That's Public Relations

5. You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says: "You are very rich! Can you marry Me!?" - That's Brand Recognition

6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - That's Customer Feedback

7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband. - That's demand and supply gap

8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tells her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" And she goes with him - That's competition eating into your market share

9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives. - That's restriction for entering new markets



- Diwant Viadya

Quality Engineer

A Quality Engineer married an average girl.

After 2 years of tough life with her,
finally Engineer got angry and sent a note to father-in-law stating that

"YOUR PRODUCT NOT MEETING MY REQUIREMENTS"

The Smart father-in-law replies,

"WARRANTY EXPIRED. MANUFACTURER NOT RESPONSIBLE"


- Joke from Madhusudhan R